


Like a Sieve

by Surefall



Series: Wade Has Faith (In the Fourth Wall) [1]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Island of Providence, Memory Loss, Nate Has No Idea, Providence (Marvel), foresight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 03:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13802025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surefall/pseuds/Surefall
Summary: Wade Wilson suffers from constant memory loss.He forgets when people are mad at him.  He forgets when he was tortured.  He forgets when he's been hurt.  He forgets being peeled open and cut apart and dissected foramusement.  He forgets when he's killed someone ... not that it matters because either he's been paid or he hasn't and if he remembers hehasn'tbeen paid he'll kill and kill and kill until that oversight has been rectified and they remember that just because he's crazy doesn't mean he can be crossed.It doesn't slow him down.





	Like a Sieve

**Author's Note:**

> Taking place prior to _#weather vane_.

Wade's mind is like a sieve, a silver dome peppered with holes ... so _very many_ holes. Memories fall through the holes like water, slipping away from him before he even knows they're gone.

It's like the sun is always shining, but occasionally clouds cast their shadows across his mind, and whatever memory is in shadow ... is lost. 

Time turns, the wind blows, the clouds move, the sun shines, and Wade will remember again ... but not always when it _matters_ and not always in the right order or in the right place, because the clouds still cast their shadows and other memories have slipped away.

Wade can't explain it. Or rather, when questioned, he has _tried_ ... but no one cares to listen. They either don't let him explain or they don't believe him. They think he's using insanity as a convenient excuse, as a way to shift blame. As though sanity were _convenient_.

~he always knows what he needs to know. other times, at their convenience, they need him to forget.~ 

It's at someone's convenience, it's true ... but it's not at Wade's. He'd prefer to remember. 

Most of the time. 

Sometimes. 

There are just so many things he _wants_ to forget that it's hard to complain when he loses the good times along with the bad. There are so few good times and so many bad times. 

He forgets when people are mad at him. He forgets when he was tortured. He forgets when he's been hurt. He forgets being peeled open and cut apart and dissected for _amusement_. He forgets when he's killed someone ... not that it matters because either he's been paid or he hasn't and if he remembers he _hasn't_ been paid he'll kill and kill and kill until that oversight has been rectified and they remember that just because he's crazy doesn't mean he can be crossed.

They think they're _better_ than him because they can remember, because their memories aren't constantly cast in shadows. So Wade stops trying to explain, _really_ explain, and just starts making things up. It's funnier that way, anyway.

Wade doesn't need memory anyway. He only needs money.

Everyone loves money because money can buy anything ... even love. It just takes a _lot_ of money to buy love. Wade knows, when he remembers, because he's tried it.

With money, Wade has anything he could ever want ... even if he sometimes forgets he _has_ money.

The lack of memory isn't even a problem until Providence, where things are almost always good, where no one looks at him like he's a _freak_ or a _failure_ or a _mistake_ waiting to happen, where they don't look at him with _fear_ , where he can just walk down the street and no one stares at him, where he doesn't have to wear his second, better skin. 

In Providence, Wade would rather remember ... but he can't control the way his mind works. He can't control the clouds or the sunshine. He can't control _memory_.

So he focuses on what he can control.

~the body remembers what the mind forgets~ 

He loses many things to sunlight and shadow, but there are some things Wade never forgets. 

Skin and blood and bone, muscle and sinew. He will never forget how to dance, swords just an extension of his body, as much a part of the flow of motion as his heartbeat. Brass and steel, bullets and the guns that shoot them, drilled into him until he could do it in his sleep. He doesn't need to be in the here and now to dodge a hit or slip out of restraints like a greased eel. He always knows where he's been even if he doesn't always remember where he was going.

... and he will always know how to kill. Wade's can't be sure, but he thinks he's always been _lacking_. Empathy or sympathy or whatever crucial piece that keeps people from killing other people. From the first time until now, all Wade has ever felt is _nothing_ when he pulls the trigger. 

(At least Death is proud of him. Does he even need anyone except her? The black star to light his fragmented world.)

~the body remembers what the mind forgets~ 

Wade has no home. 

No territory. 

No place that is his own. 

Owning things made him ... odd. More odd. Which is saying something when _he_ thinks he gets _odd_. (When in doubt, blame it on the blood donor. This is all Wolvie's fault.) 

Having a home had made Wade possessive. Territorial. Violent when crossed. Cruel for the sake of cruelty, because all the things in his home were _his_ and Wade doesn't always remember why he would want to take care of things that are his.

He had remembered that, but only after he had already broken everything he wanted to keep. 

It was better to just keep moving, to never stay in one place. Even if it was harder to remember when he never went to the same ground, when every place was faceless and empty, without structure and repetition to give it meaning ... but it didn't matter. 

Wade had plenty of safe houses, so many that he always remembered at least one of them. Just because Wade was lonely didn't mean he had to collect people like possessions or that he had to _stay_ ... and eventually he'd forget again.

Clouds would cast their shadows, memory would slip away.

~he always knows what he needs to know. other times, at their convenience, they need him to forget.~ 

Except Wade wants better for Providence. Nate's let him _stay_ here, like it could be his _home_ ... even if Wade isn't good with homes and doesn't deserve one. 

They're nice to him here. They _like_ him. 

It's already too late to stop the inevitable. It was too late the first time he blacked out on a rooftop --

~Wade loses time~ 

\-- because he felt ... _safe_.

 _Safe_ here, on this island far away from everything that Wade usually cared about, chasing foolish, stupid, ephemeral dreams with a man whose sense of self preservation was broken. 

He can't bring himself to leave. He doesn't _want_ to leave.

He wants to stay here. With Providence. With sunshine and blue skies and gleaming silver. Where the shadows are never deep enough to swallow him whole.

He'll do whatever it takes. 

Even if it burns the eyes from his head. Even if it sears out all the memory he has left. (What would he need it for anyway if he can't keep _this_?)

~the body remembers what the mind forgets~ 

Wade has engraved Providence on the only memory he can rely on.

Every day, every night, quartering the island until there isn't a street or building he doesn't know. No ledge he hasn't walked across, no handhold he hasn't tested, no rooftop or balcony he hasn't thrown himself from. There is no secret beneath her metal skin that Wade isn't privy to. He's slipped through every vent, tested every mysterious vat, swum through every sewer line (and drowned in some too), crept through every maintenance hatch, and dropped into the ocean to start again. 

Before there were people, -- his seahorses bright and true, who need neither his help because seahorses take care of themselves. Fierce little fighters who tuck their young away and only require a safe place to dwell, curly tailed and bumpy, his little sea siblings. If only his skin could look as fine as theirs. Wade is sand camouflaged, made for sea shores and drowning. -- Wade had swept through every room and closet, peeked under every berth and into every cabinet, tested every bit of plumbing. 

Nate has the whole world to worry about.

Wade has only Providence (and Nate) to worry about.

... and there will be _nothing_ either of them will ever have to worry about.

Money could buy acceptance, but Providence has given it away for free, all unknowing of the _gift_ it could be.

Wade won't forget, even when he forgets.

There is an island to remind him.

~he always knows what he needs to know~ 

In Providence, Wade keeps his eyes open. He pays _attention_. He can't rely on memory, on knowing what he did day to day. He has to watch things as they _are_ rather than as what he might want them to be. 

This world is not their own. 

It belongs to other keepers. 

Sometimes Wade is broken enough to see them, static so heavy between his ears he can't see color or hear words, and all he sees is the white lined boxes that the whole world's in. He feels like a sketch, half created, without depth or color. He hates being broken.

~other times, at their convenience, they need him to forget.~ 

He forgets being broken, but he never _really_ forgets.

The world is filled with clues, in the sky, on the ground, in the sighing of the wind, in the flight of birds, in the pattern of everything all around him, if only he keeps his eyes open. 

The signs are there for the blind to trip over. 

To keep Providence safe and well, Wade only needs to follow the signs.

He won't need memory at all.

He only needs to keep his eyes _open_.

**Author's Note:**

> This whole series is really just an exercise in taking the ability Wade exhibits in _Deadpool vs. Carnage_ and applying it backwards across _Cable and Deadpool_. Soothsaying, Wade can do it. 
> 
> Tie that in with his territorial behavior from _Deadpool_ V1 and his memory loss in _Cable and Deadpool_ and _Wade Has Faith (In the Fourth Wall)_ is the result.


End file.
